


Sickness Renewed

by ChaosRaynes



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, Some things actually happened, first time writing Criminal minds, or came awfully close, sorry if it is so slow to start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-07 20:04:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosRaynes/pseuds/ChaosRaynes
Summary: The newest member of the BAU has a case that takes her back home and makes her face some things of her past, but even though she has kept things from the team they have her back...





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of thunder and the quick, blinding flash of lightning, drew his attention. The shouts in the background meant nothing to him. "Freeze, FBI!" shouted the tall, muscular man, after the thunder stopped rolling. The hooded man risked a quick glimpse of the woman on the ground at his feet and the long, dark hair that covered what was obviously left of a bullet proof vest. "Drop your weapons and back away from the woman." the agent ordered. Thunder rolled again, almost drowning out the words. "I will be seeing you again." the hooded man said to the woman, as the sky let loose a torrential downpour, instantly soaking all those caught out in it. So heavy was the rain that it gave the man the seconds he needed to disappear.  
3 days ago...  
Quantico, Virginia  
"You've been with us for a year and a half now, and I have never seen you take someone down like that." Derek Morgan said with a slight chuckle. "Yeah, well, there is a lot you don't know." she responded, with her usual saucy wink that had Morgan laughing even harder. Sitting down at her desk, she let her mind wander as Derek continued to talk. A shadow fell across her, drawing her attention back to the conversation. "But yet, he called a significant amount of derogatory names before you tackled him, in Derek's usual style." said Spencer, who was currently standing over me, "You could have really gotten hurt." He drew her attention, even when she didn't want him to. She tried to treat him like the rest of the team, but she felt that she failed at doing so, that there was a huge glaring neon sign over her head that shouted her attraction to him. Focusing back to the conversation, she schooled her features. "Well, I draw the line at being called a civilian under naval training." she drawled with a sniff and a quick toss of her long dark hair. She didn't notice the way Morgan and Prentiss were watching her and Reid, or the way a look passed between them. She was too busy watching the thoughts race across Reid's face as he replayed the events in his head, making the look on his face priceless as he tried to figure out when the UnSub had actually called her that. Laughing, she turned to Morgan, "Please explain. I feel bad that I have stumped the brilliant Dr. Reid. And get your butt off my desk, I have paperwork to do." she finished, giving Morgan a friendly shove towards Spencer. Smiling, Morgan clamped a hand on Reid's shoulder, walking them both away from Special Agent Ashlyn Moore's desk, quietly explaining what she had meant. She heard Spencer's quick intake of breath from two desks away just before she heard him tell Morgan, "Oh...she is certainly nothing of the sort." in a tone that had Morgan and Prentiss sharing another look at both Moore and Reid. She caught this one, but decided that if she was going to make it out of the BAU before midnight, she would just ignore it. Her fingers flew over the keys of her computer, filling out the reports. Glancing over it, before putting the final touches, she never noticed that Morgan and Prentiss had moved away in the pretense of getting everyone some waters. "Did you hear the way she just said that?" Prentiss murmured to Morgan, "I have never heard her speak with a southern accent. Then she reverted to speaking the way she normally talks around us." Morgan rubbed his chin as he contemplated the agent in question, "She seems to be hiding a lot. Even being with us this long, she still remains a mystery. She never really reveals much about herself, and nothing about her past."  
"Still taking bets on how long before those two hook up?" Rossi said, making both Morgan and Prentiss jump as he crept up on them. The three senior agents watched as Reid stepped up next to Moore and how her body stiffened when he leaned close to speak. "Those two are so oblivious to how each feels about the other, it's crazy." he finished, shaking his head at the younger agents antics. "Rossi, how much do you know about Moore?" Morgan asked. "Not a lot. Top in her class, deadly with her aim, takes rape cases pretty hard as if she could of stopped the action from happening. But other than that, I don't know much about her." Rossi responded. "Same here. She keeps everything very close, with very little slipping out." Prentiss agreed. The fast clack of heels drew the teams attention. "Hey mama, where's the fire?" Morgan asked as Penelope Garcia hurried through the bullpen towards SSA Hotchner's office with JJ in tow. "Wonder what's going on?" Prentiss said to the team, as they joined Reid at Moore's desk since she had the best view of Hotch's office. "Don't know. But if we hurry we can make it out the door and they will just have to tell us in the morning." Moore responded, accepting the bottled water Morgan offered as he propped a hip on her desk. "We wouldn't make it to our cars before they would text us to come back." Rossi pointed out. "True..." Moore said, sighing. "BAU team, conference room in 10" Hotch said as he leaned out the door, before shutting it back and turning to JJ. Morgan jokingly groaned as he and Reid asked if anyone wanted some coffee. Moore watched as Garcia hurried to the conference room to begin laying out files. She wanted nothing more than to head home for a hot shower and cold glass of wine, as she dropped her go-bag next to her desk. But instead she dropped into her chair and took a deep calming breath, trying to center herself. This time of year was always hard for her, she thought. She continued to deep breath until she felt a presence at her elbow. Opening her eyes, she found Reid standing next to her holding two cups of coffee. "Really think you are going to need both?" she quipped, with a small smile crossing her face. Spencer returned the small smile with one of his own as he handed her one of the cups, "No, I made this one for you. Light and sweet." he said, the back of his neck reddening slightly. She couldn't help the amazement that crossed her face, "You remembered how I take my coffee...What am I saying, of course, you do." He reddened even more with embarrassment as he nodded yes. "Well, thank you, Spence." she said as she walked towards the conference room with the coffee. She turned before she could notice that Reid's head snapped up when she called him that. "Everything okay, Kid?" Morgan asked Reid, while successfully hiding his smile and the fact that himself, Prentiss and Rossi had just witnessed what had happened. "Other than JJ, she is the only other one that calls me Spence." he murmured to Morgan, not even realizing what he was saying. Morgan felt it appropriate to play dumb, thinking maybe he could win the bet. "Who? Ash?" Morgan asked, using an abbreviated form of Moore's first name that he knew would get under Reid's skin. He watched Reid watch Moore as she walked up the ramp towards Garcia. "Yes. And her name is Ashlyn, Morgan." he muttered to Morgan, making the man smile. "Well she is a looker..." Morgan started, knowing that the statement would make Reid stop. "And?" Spencer asked, slowly turning around to face Derek, not really wanting to know what Morgan thought on the subject. Reid thought of Derek as an older brother, but he also knew that Morgan never stayed long with a woman.  
"And what? Come on, Reid. She's smart, beautiful, deadly with a gun and single. That's all I meant." Morgan said, holding his hands up in a sign of surrender. Morgan knew that look on Reid's face, it was a good sign. "Stop profiling me." Reid said quietly to Morgan as they turned to head up the ramp, both men noticing that Moore seemed to be watching them. Reid stopped short, making Morgan almost run over the younger man, "Something's wrong." he said to Morgan as he took in the look and paleness on Moore's face. "What's up?" Morgan asked, as he and Reid took seats next to her. "Ashlyn, you okay?" Reid also asked. She look at the men without really seeing them, then stood up and walked away. Morgan looked to Garcia, noticing that she looked at Moore with concern of her own. "Garcia, what's going on." Penelope shook her head, "I don't know. She began looking over the files and then went quiet and pale. She really has me worried, Derek." The team watched as Ashlyn knocked on Hotch's door and heard her murmur in a shaky voice, "Hotch? Can I talk with you?" Then 10 minutes came and went and then after 25, Hotch, JJ and Moore finally left the office for the conference room. While JJ, Hotch and Moore filled Garcia in quietly in the hallway, Reid rose to refill his coffee and Moore's. The four members of the team waited until Reid had passed before resuming their conversation. Reid could see the utter look of sadness on Ashlyn's face, it made him want to comfort her. Morgan, Rossi and Prentiss sat back watching the events unfold. "I think Pretty Boy has it bad." Morgan stated, as he watched Reid constantly sideways glance at the group on the walkway. "You think?" both Prentiss and Rossi asked sarcastically at the same time. But before the three could continue the conversation more, Garcia broke away from the group and came into the room. Sitting down the flamboyant tech analyst began hacking what seemed to be someone's personal computer. "What's going on, sweetness?" Morgan asked knowing that Garcia would tell him. Shaking her head, she told him that he would have to wait for the others. Reid passed by handing off the second cup of coffee to Moore, who smiled sadly at him. The rest of the team filed in behind Reid, everyone taking seats but Moore and Hotch.  
"Sorry for keeping you all here, but this just came across our desks." Hotch said, turning the floor over to Garcia. "OK my crime fighting lovelies, these women before you, have all been found beaten, raped and then dumped." she said, not even looking at the photos that popped up on the big screen behind her. "So many. Why are we just hearing about this now? And where are they being dumped?" Prentiss asked, skimming the file before her. "Well, the women went missing from two different counties in North Carolina and then were dumped in the opposite county from where they lived. But that isn't even the strangest thing at this point, they go missing on or around June 3rd and then are found dead close to the end of the month." Garcia answered without really answering the questions, "The reason we are only hearing about this now, is that counter measure. This seems to have been going on since the mid 90's. And the local Leo's in both counties really didn't put two and two together until recently. " Morgan noticed that Hotch nodded to Moore. "Well to be exact, Garcia, it has been going on since 1996." Moore said, correcting Penelope. "And you know this how?" Rossi asked, wanting to hear this explanation, his interest peaked that the 'new girl' seemed to have so much insight. Moore refused to meet the team's gazes, making the team shift the looks at each other. "Hotch?" Moore said, asking an unspoken question. "Garcia, did you do what Moore asked?" he asked the tech analyst. "Yes, sir. It's ready when she is." she responded, moving aside for the woman. "Guys, seriously. What's going on?" Morgan asked, the nervousness in his voice coming through. Moore cleared her throat and took a sip of her coffee, wincing as she found it as cold as she felt. "Just give her a minute, Derek." Hotch murmured to him. The team watched as she seemed to be shifting through some files on Garcia's laptop. "I know when it started, where and why. But in order for you all to understand, I have to give ya'll some of the backstory." Moore said, suddenly standing up to pace. The team noticed that she sounded very Southern when she stated this to them and that she still wouldn't meet any of their eyes.  
"I grew up in South Mills, North Carolina. I was not really your normal kid. The schools in Camden County wanted to push me along in grades, telling my adopted parents that I was too stifled staying in the grades I was in through the years. My grandparents had been the ones to adopt me, which on top of being smarter than most of the kids in my county, gave them more to bully me over. So of course they told the schools no, every time. But it wasn't until after my grandfather passed away in 1988, that the real trouble began. About a year or two later, this man did some things that changed my life forever." she said, while clicking up a photo on the big screen. "This is Wayne Sayer, he is Camden County's prime suspect. And he is the man who molested me and almost raped me." The team inhaled in what seemed like a single breath. Having already read the entire file, Reid spoke up at that point, "The file says that he was accused of breaking into women's homes, stealing electronics and the women's underwear but it doesn't have anything on an arrest being made." he finished, silently wishing to himself that, for once, his brain didn't work so quickly. He was pretty sure where this conversation was heading and it made him hurt. She held up her hands, trying to halt the inevitable questions that were about to come. "I was about 9 or 10, when all of this started, when Sayer pulled a girl into a home of one of his family members and he tried to molest her. He would of raped her on numerous occasions if it wasn't for the fact that she was very fast for her age and for the fact that she always screamed and ran. He would try to catch her in the woods next to her house, or lure her into one of his numerous family's homes, three of them living right next to her in a row." Rossi shook his head, hurting for the young woman, "So there is the when, the where and the why. He is obviously using these women as surrogates for the one who got away, but I see the similarities between them. They all have brown hair and light brown eyes, I mean he obviously has a type." Finally looking at the team and smiling sadly, she responded, "Well, you wouldn't now." she said as she clicked another picture, sending it to the big screen, making the team wonder what she meant. The girl had to have been no older than 13, with the same long brown hair and big brown eyes as all the other women on the screen. "Who is that?" Prentiss asked, even though she knew she really didn't want the answer. "That's Dawne Johnston. 13 years old." she responded, and with that you could have heard a pin drop the room got so silent.  
Reid stood suddenly, drawing all attention to him, "You said that you were around the age of 9 or 10 when this all started, so he is obviously now allowing for the one who got away to grow up and match his preference. He started as a pedophile, and is now a rapist and a murderer." He continued to read and pace, while Derek asked another question, "So what's so important about June 3rd?" Moore looked sadly at the picture of Dawn Johnston, making the team sure that Ashlyn had been close to the kid, "June 3, 1980 was her birthday.", nodding her head towards the picture of the young girl. "So other than looks, is there anything else these women have in common?" Morgan asked. JJ answered this one, "All the women's initials were either D.L.J. or D.L.C." Prentiss jumped on that statement, "Why the difference between a J and a C?" she asked. Moore pulled up another picture of the girl, this time the girl looked to be at least 16. "Dawne Johnston, got married at 17, became Dawne Cason, and in 2000, she completely fell off the map." Garcia said, passing a sad look at Moore, "No work history, no bank accounts, nothing." The team looked perplexed as to what all this had to do with anything. "So, are we thinking that Sayer is doing this because Dawne Cason got away?" Prentiss asked. Moore nodded sadly, "Sayer is doing just that, but there is more to it than this. And I'm the reason why he is doing this." Morgan looked long at hard at Moore, "You can't blame yourself for this, Ash. Besides how can this be your fault? You're initials are AM, not D.L.J or D.L.C." Laughing a bitter laugh, she responded, "This is where it gets sticky and where all of you will either hate me or want to hurt me, if not both. Derek, it kinda is my fault. My initials are AM now." She could see Reid putting two and two together, "You changed your name." he said in a flat tone. "Yes, in 1980 to May of 1997, my initials were D.L.J. From May of 97 to 2000, they were D.L.C. I had my name legally changed to what it is now after my divorce." she supplied, her voice breaking slightly at the end, "These women are being raped and murdered because he is looking for the one who got away and using them as surrogates, He's looking for...Me." Hotch laid a hand on her shoulder as a single tear ran down her face. "We leave at 6 am for Elizabeth City, North Carolina. We will be coordinating with both Elizabeth City PD, Pasquotank County Sheriff's Department and Camden County Sheriff's to catch this suspect or the UnSub, either one, so go home and get some sleep. Reid, Moore, stay a moment please." Hotch finished just before his phone went off.  
The rest of the team filed out, passing sad smiled to Moore and curious looks to Reid. "Wonder what that look on Reid's face meant?" Morgan asked Rossi and Prentiss. "Oh to be a fly on that wall right now..." Garcia said, linking arms with Morgan and Prentiss. Hotch excused himself to take the call, leaving Moore and Reid alone in the conference room. Reid noticed that Ashlyn was still pale and wring her hands, which she did whenever she seemed to be having an inner crisis. "So...think the entire team hates and distrusts me?" she asked Reid, wondering if he would even answer her. "You must have had your reasons..." Spencer murmured, not really knowing what to tell her. That moment Hotch stepped back into the room, the worry written plainly across his face, "That was Kevin. Moore, your personal email and work email were just both hacked by an outside source. I want Reid to stay with you tonight, just to be safe. And you live closer than he does anyways. I'm going to call the rest of the team and have them stay with the member who lives the closest. This was left in your personal email." he said, passing the paper to Moore. Reid stepped up next to Ashlyn as she read the paper. I will be seeing you again. Reid and Hotch watched her reaction as the paper fluttered from her hands to the floor. "Oh, God. He knows. He knows who I am...after I tried so hard to hide it." she said, sitting hard in the seat that was thankfully behind her. Her breath coming in hard, sharp gasps, she allowed herself three minutes to panic. "Hotch, she's hyperventilating." Reid said, slight panic in his voice as he watched her turned frightfully pale. "Breath, Moore. Just calm down and breath." Hotch commanded as he shoved her head between her knees to hopefully slow down her breathing. Her breath became slower as she calmed, her phone ringing interrupted the moment. Sitting up and taking a steadying breath, she saw that it was her home security company. Hotch, standing by her shoulder, told her to put it on speaker. Answering and doing so, she said "Hello?", her voice still shaky.


	2. The Mess Lies Bring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The newest member of the BAU has a case that takes her back home and makes her face some things of her past, but even though she has kept things from the team they have her back...

"That was Kevin. Moore, your personal email and work email were just both hacked by an outside source. I want Reid to stay with you tonight, just to be safe. And you live closer than he does anyways. I'm going to call the rest of the team and have them stay with the member who lives the closest. This was left in your personal email." he said, passing the paper to Moore. Reid stepped up next to Ashlyn as she read the paper. I will be seeing you again. Reid and Hotch watched her reaction as the paper fluttered from her hands to the floor. "Oh, God. He knows. He knows who I am...after I tried so hard to hide it." she said, sitting hard in the seat that was thankfully behind her. Her breath coming in hard, sharp gasps, she allowed herself three minutes to panic. "Hotch, she's hyperventilating." Reid said, slight panic in his voice as he watched her turned frightfully pale. "Breath, Moore. Just calm down and breath." Hotch commanded as he shoved her head between her knees to hopefully slow down her breathing. Her breath became slower as she calmed, her phone ringing interrupted the moment. Sitting up and taking a steadying breath, she saw that it was her home security company. "Looks like I just might be staying with Reid instead." she said. Hotch, standing by her shoulder, told her to put it on speaker. Answering and doing so, she said "Hello?", her voice still shaky.  
"Miss Moore? This is Daphne, with AHS. Your home security system was just triggered in your home, and I was calling to find out if it was accidental or..." the rep said rapid fire and proficiently. "I'm at work." Moore said, cutting off the representative, "Dispatch local PD to my home, please. Inform them I am FBI and that I am en route to the scene now." Hanging up, she turned and left the room. She walked more calmly than she felt, giving everything that was transpiring. Hotch and Reid fell into step behind her, grabbing their stuff as they went. "I'll follow you there, Moore." Hotch said, giving her a look that said not to argue. "It's fine, Hotch. Go home, kiss Jack goodnight and get some sleep." she said, knowing he wouldn't listen anyways. As she predicted, he shook his head, "No. This is something that you shouldn't deal with by yourself. Remember, we are a team and what happens to one of us, is felt by all of us." He headed for the elevator as she waited for Reid to finish grabbing his stuff. Spencer followed her to the elevator and then her car, still not saying a word. As she pulled out, she saw headlights in her rear view mirror and was actually glad she wasn't facing this alone. Hotch called Morgan and the rest of the team to fill them in on what was going on and to suggest that they stay close to the BAU. Morgan and the other agreed, Rossi suggested they bunk at his home with him being the second closest to work. "Do you want us there, Hotch?" Rossi asked, knowing everyone would drop everything anyways. "It's really up to all of you." Hotch responded and left it at that. Spencer's phone went off, making him jump slightly. "You okay, Spence?" she asked him, after noticing the event from the corner of her eye. It worried her, the way he was acting. She knew that Spencer Reid did not like change, that it took him a bit to adjust to anything he considered huge. And the bombshell she dropped tonight could be considered just that, huge. He turned to look at her, finally. "What happened to make you change your name?" he asked. Risking a glance at him, she tried to gauge his mood, "I started to get phone calls with heavy breathing, someone standing outside my window at night, you know, usual stalker tendencies. So I decided to leave Dawne behind and start new." He continued to look at her, and it started to make her feel slightly embarrassed and uncomfortable. "Why did you divorce?" he asked so softly she wasn't even really sure he had asked. "I don't make mistakes often but when I do, they are usually a doozy. He was an abuser." she said, her tone plainly stating that she really didn't want to talk about it. She felt the air grow thick with the tension, and it made her antsy. "Do we even know the real you? Is what little we do know a lie?" he asked quietly, the questions exploding out of him like gunfire. She would have rather him shout at her than to speak quietly like he was. She knew that he had two different kinds of quiet, the 'I-have-to-get-the-victim-to-safety' voice and then there was the 'I'm-going-to-shoot-you' voice. She really couldn't tell which voice he was using at the moment, it seemed like a mix of both.  
"Do you know what I have learned, Reid?" I asked him. He shook his head in the negative. "The biggest lesson I have learned in life is that no one is really your friend, truly loves you, or knows you until they have seen every dark shadow inside you and have stayed." she said as she pulled into her driveway at the end of the cul-de-sac. Reid opened his mouth, but she stepped out before he could say anything. Leaning against the car, it didn't surprise her that they had beaten the cops. Hotch stepped up beside her as the local police and the rest of her team pulled up. The police walked up asking who the owner was. She flashed her badge and ID as she said, "It's my house." She stayed outside with her team as the local LEO took a walk through her home. Hotch pulled Reid aside, while she went up to Rossi, Morgan and Prentiss. "You guys didn't have to come all the way back out here." she started, but Rossi cut her off. "We are a team, Ashlyn, or should I say Dawne?" Rossi said, smiling at her. "He's right, lil' mama. If it had been anyone of us, you would have done the same." Derek said, of course sticking his opinion in, making her laugh. She sobered as the officer walked towards her, "Find anything or anyone?" she asked. "No. But whoever it was did a lot of damage before we got here." he told her. "Mind if we have a look?" Rossi asked him. "Have at it." the officer told the group, "That you're team?" She smiled at the officer, "Yeah, and I'm lucky cause they are like family." She left the officer to write up his report while she took survey of her home. Looking around she felt anger and sadness at the damage done. "Damn, they even destroyed my computer." she mumbled, as she stomped towards her bedroom. "Guys!" she shouted, "Look at this..." The entire team heading into what was left of her bedroom, which looked like it had been tossed by a professional. "We might want to get someone here from forensics, the person may have left something behind." Prentiss said, as she stared in horror at someone close to her belongings that were strewn around.  
"I'm pretty sure he took more than he left." Moore stated, in a flat voice. "All of my underwear and lingerie are gone." she said, using a glove she pulled from her pocket to open the drawers of her dresser. "See if anything else is missing." Hotch told her as he stepped away to make the call. She moved from room to room, taking a quick inventory. Most of her electronics, including her game systems, were gone. Finding Hotch in the living room, she filled him in on the missing items and the damage to her desktop. "But, thankfully, whoever it was didn't find my laptop or external hard drive." she said, still shaking her head at all the damage. She couldn't stand looking at it any longer, she had to get out. Without saying another word, she turn and walked out, leaving Hotch and Reid staring after her. The remaining members converged in the living room, watching Moore through her large living room windows. She leaned against her car as she watched thee forensics team pull in and file past her. She was always able to put herself into the shoes of her victims, but this was too much she thought. All she wanted was this night to be over. The waiting was being to take its toll on her, inaction starting to wear her nerves. She watched Hotch from the corner of her eye as he stepped out and spoke with the lead forensic tech. The look on his face told her all she needed to know, "Whoever it was didn't leave any fingerprints or trace evidence." he filled her in. Sighing, Moore looked at her watch, it was almost 1 in the morning. While watching the tech's packing it up and driving away, she heaved another breath, "Great, so if it is who I think it is, he knows who and where I am." Just another day in the life, she thought, brushing back the stray hairs that fell from her hastily bundled up hair. The anger she had felt earlier was being quickly burned away by exhaustion. "We don't know that yet." Hotch said, smiling sadly at Moore, "Grab some clothes and necessities, you're going to be staying at Reid's tonight. I already talked to him about it, so you both get some rest." he finished before laying a hand on her shoulder. She watched her unit chef walk to the rest of the team, who eyed her with sadness.  
She cut to the front of the house so she wouldn't have to face the team yet again. She stood listening to the night and staring off into the darkness, when she heard the soft approach of footsteps. Thinking she would know that gait anywhere, she turned to face Spencer. Seconds passed as they just stood staring at each other and the humid night around them. Spencer seemed to be struggling to say something to her, but at that point she really didn't want to hear it or rehash what they had already talked about. So without saying a word, she turned and unlocked the front door, and headed to her bedroom to see if there was thing she could salvage. Reid followed her in, leaning against the door frame, while she filled a second go bag with what was left of her clean clothes. She couldn't take the silence any longer, "You sure it's alright? Me, staying with you?" she asked as she threw the last of what she needed in her bag and began heading for her car. Spencer remained oddly quiet as she threw her bag in to the trunk with the other. She stared at him as she headed for the driver's door, the frown on his face beginning to irritate her immensely, as she stared at him over the roof of her beloved Dodge Challenger. "Alright, Spence, spit it out. Just say whatever it is that is eating at you." she said, sounding a lot like Morgan, in hopes to get him talking. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before he let it go, "You lied to us, Ashlyn. Or should I call you Dawne? I don't even know anymore. We have worked with you for 1 year, six months and 27 days, and yet we know next to nothing about you. But what we do know is more than likely apart of the lie..." he finished, ending halfway on a shout. His hands running through his hair and his pacing as he talked where the only outward signs of his frustration, his hair standing almost on end as he faced her over the roof of her car. "Calm down, Spence!" she said as calmly as she could, not letting the shock of his words register on her face. "Get in...we can talk about this on the way to your place or we can shout it out right here and have the cops back out here. I personally don't want to spend a night in jail for disturbing the peace." He stopped and looked at her like she had shouted back instead of speaking softly and calmly.  
"Please...Spence. I'm tired." she said, speaking softly again, the defeat in her voice so clear that even she couldn't miss it. Nodding ascent, he climbed in. She took a deep calming breath and one last look at her home before she climbed in, backing out of her driveway. Minutes into the ride, she noticed Reid glancing over at her. "What did you mean earlier? When you were talking about the biggest lesson you learned?" he asked. She took her time answering, sighing. "When I stopped going out to play, choosing to stay to myself, barely speaking to anyone...everyone pretty much walked away." she told him. "Didn't your parents get you help in dealing with the trauma?" he asked. She laugh, the sound loud and harsh in the confines of the car, "My 'parents' weren't in my life. My real dad's parents adopted me and raised me when I was little. And no, as far as getting me help, I never told anyone what had happened...I was too ashamed." He seemed to weigh her words, then went back to contemplating the darkness out the window, only giving me directions when needed. Finally arriving at Reid's apartment, relief set in and so did the fatigue. They grabbed their bags from the back and made their way inside, Moore watching her surroundings the entire time. While Spencer unlocked his door, she leaned against the door frame, barely able to keep her eyes opened. It amazed her that she was so tired. Spencer took notice, "Here, I'll take them." he said, grabbing her bags from her. He set everything down at the end of the couch, before removing his own bag from his shoulder. "You can take the bed, I'll take the couch." he said, noticing her still leaning against the now closed door. He watched her shake her head as if trying to clear water from her ears. "No...it's your bed...I would feel bad..." she said, the words slurring as she fought the fatigue, stepping halfway away from the door.  
She felt drunk, even though she hadn't been drinking, the fatigue eating away at her coordination. She stumbled, making Spence grab her arm, worry creasing his brow. "Come on..." he said, leading her to the bedroom, arm around her making sure she didn't fall. "Lay down." he commanded, as he pushed her backwards onto the bed and began removing her boots. Laughter, bubbled up unbidden. She raised her head as far as she could to look at him, "You know, for such a smart, sweet person, you are all of a sudden...bossy, mister." she said, in between laughing, sounding even more punch drunk. "And for such a smart, sweet person yourself, you do some stupid things...like not trusting the team." Reid countered. Her eyes widened as she fought the laughter that threatened to spill out, "Oh! You think I'm sweet?" she said in a sing-song voice. She winced, the sound making her head throb even more with the sleep deprived headache she had. Her eyes began to flutter close, before he even finished removing her boot. He stood once he was done, gently pulling the comforter out from under her before draping it over her. "Yes, I do." he whispered, "And I think you are more of a Dawne than an Ashlyn...Dawne suits you better." as he cut off the light. There was enough light filtering through the window that he could she her chest rise and fall. Turning away, he went to make himself comfortable on the couch, and tried to keep his thoughts off the woman in his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are enjoying this, I know I said when I posted the first chapter that THIS chapter was slow in coming but I guess I had more written than I thought. Any thoughts or suggestions/advice/kudos are greatly appreciated. Hope to have Chapter 3 in a few days, maybe a week...Thanks!!


	3. No Harm, No Foul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The newest member of the BAU has a case that takes her back home and makes her face some things of her past, but even though she has kept things from the team they have her back...

Chapter 3 :   
"Worse than telling a lie is spending your whole life staying true to a lie. - Robert Brault

Her lungs burned with the need for oxygen as she sped throw the familiar woods, taking a path she must have taken a hundred times as a kid. She wanted to stop, but she knew if she did it would be the end of her. She can hear him, he's getting closer, she pushes herself to keep going. Tree roots appear out of nowhere, catching her feet. Falling, she knows she is done. He's on her. She can feel his sweaty hands grab at her, his disgusting breath feather her face as he rolls her over. His red hair, thin but bright in the moonlight filtering down through the trees. His ugly, leering smile burning into her brain, making her want to smash her fist through his face. I have to fight, she thought, I have to survive. Sounds reach her ears, making her strain to hear it over the man's heavy breathing. Shouts?, she thought. She began digging in with her heels, trying to gain some leverage, anything to displace the man from on top of her. The shouts were getting closer, the voices familiar to her...It's Spencer and the team, she thought, relief trickling through her for a moment. Then the unthinkable began to unfold. The disgusting man unzips his pants, his sweaty, meaty hands ripping at her clothes. She knows what is about to happen and she quickly loses all control and sanity, the scream ripping involuntarily from her throat. She screamed herself hoarse yelling Spencer's name as the man punched her in her face and throat. She knew that if she lost consciousness, she would be dead...and not even the team could help her then.  
Spencer came slowly awake, not sure at first what had woke him up. Until he heard the whimper and fast breathing that he recognized. The scream that tore from her throat had Spencer leaping from the couch, not even thinking about grabbing a weapon. "Spence! Get him off...Get him off of me!" she cried, the sound heartbreaking as he saw her form, thrashing and tangled in the sheets. She was stuck in a nightmare, he thought, more than likely brought on by today's events. He quickly approached, grabbing and freeing her arms and wrapping her into his. "Dawne...Dawne! It's just a dream...you're safe." he said, not realizing that he had called her by a name she hadn't heard in years. He pulled back as she lashed out, her eyes flying open, wild and unfocused as she pushed and struggled away from him. He knew that she was still caught in the trap of the nightmare, the whimpers issuing from her throat making him hurt for her. He watched as she made herself as small as she could, huddling up against the head of his bed, her eyes searching the room like a caged animal. He made his movements slow and steady as he leaned over to turn on the lamp on the bedside table. The sudden flare of light made her squeeze her eyes tight, and huddle down even more. He saw that her breathing was still erratic and that the sweat had drenched her hair and body, making her her shirt translucent and stick to her. He would wait her out, he thought, as he watched her breathing start to slow down. Once it had, he spoke, "Are you alright? Do...Do you want to talk about it?" He watched as the began to unfurl her body, her muscles rigid and tense as if ready to bolt at any moment. "Would you like anything?" he coaxed, wishing she would speak and stop looking like he was about to attack her. "Wa...Water. Please." she said, voice hoarse and shaky from the dream and shouting. Still moving slowly, he stood and headed for the kitchen. He would give her a few extra minutes, he thought, wanting to do everything he could to comfort her but not knowing if it would be welcomed. He could feel her eyes following his movements.  
The quiet calm that was all Spencer began to quickly fade, leaving her with a deafening ringing in her ears. She felt hot and sweaty as if she had run a marathon, and sick to her stomach. Bile rose in the back of her throat as images from the nightmare flashed in her mind, making her rush to the bathroom, stripping of her sweaty clothes as she went. It felt like the man's hands were still touching her, making her even more nauseated. She unloaded what little bit was in her stomach until nothing remained but very little stomach acid and the dry heaves. Spence returned, surprised to not find her at the head of the bed until he heard the retching sound drew his attention and the trail of clothes that littered the way. He set the glass down and waited until he heard water running in the sink. Opening the bathroom door slowly, he found her splashing water on her face. He grabbed a towel, watching her blindly feel for one. Their hands touched, making her drop the towel and jump, eyes flying open in shock. Great, here she was freaking out in nothing but her underwear in Spence's bathroom, she thought as he bent down to pick it back up and hand it to her. Saying nothing, he retreated to the room, picking up the water before returning and handing it to her. "Thanks." she said, her voice even more hoarse sounding. She drank the cold water gratefully, draining the glass before handing it back. He nodded, his eyes very careful to never leave her face. She could feel the sudden tension radiating from him. His words from just before she fell asleep played through her mind. Moving slowly herself, so not to spook him, she covered the short distance between them. This close she realized how tall Spence was compared to her, she had to crane her neck to look up at him. But then again, she thought, at her measly 5'5" everyone was essentially taller than her. His eyes wide as he involuntarily looked down, watching a droplet of water run down her neck to her breasts. He couldn't stop his hands as he gently took the towel from her, wiping the water from her face , neck and chest. This close he could see the slight green and gold flecks in her amber colored eyes, he thought. He had noticed that from moment to moment her eyes seemed to change color and it fascinated him. She was close enough to him that he could see the dark black around her iris. So entranced by her eyes, her never saw her move until he felt her hand on his arm and her lean against him.  
"Thank you, Spence." she said, letting all that she felt flow into her words, hoping he heard what she could not say at the moment, hoping her eyes conveyed everything. Her right hand rested on his chest, she could feel his heartbeat speeding up. She watched as his throat tried desperately to work, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed repeated. His arms wound around her, the towel dropping from his grasp. "Uh...anytime" he mumbled, as he felt her body press against his. He thought that he could get lost in her eyes and never care to come back. She rose onto the balls of her feet and pressed her lips to his cheeks, the sensation of her lips on his skin made his arms tighten around her. As she went to pull back, his arms stayed tight only allowing her to pull back enough to look him in the eye. Her eyes widened as she watched his head lean towards her. He just had to know, he thought to himself, had to find out what her lips felt like against his. He hovered, unsure what her reaction would be if he closed the distance. She saw the conflict in his face, could feel that he was unsure of himself and her reaction. Well, she thought, I can help with that. She closed the distance, laying her lips to his, keeping the kiss easy. She knew that he didn't have a lot of experience with the opposite sex, thanks to Morgan wanting to talk about everything. But Spencer surprised her when his arms once again tightened around her and he deepened the kiss. She all but melted against him, her mind for once, finally shutting down. Her eyes fluttered shut, as he turned her and pressed her against the wall, his hands running up her sides to frame her face. She thought she had all but stopped breathing, she had never imagined that today would end like this. Her brain took that as the cue to begin replaying the events of the day and bits of the dream, making her stiffen and pull away from Reid. "Spence, we can't...we...we work together..." she started, the beginning of her speech sounding stupid even to her, even though her body was shaking from either need or embarrassment. Good, great, she thought, I just threw myself at my friend and now I'm standing here like a colossal idiot stammering.   
She waited, she almost began praying that he would either push the issue or say something, anything to drown out the pounding of her heart. But he did neither, instead Spencer backed away and turned, heading out of the room. She stayed put, not moving. As soon as Spencer cleared his bedroom doorway, he leaned against the wall, hand to his lips that were still tingling from her kiss. She tasted of strawberries, he thought, but there was a menthol undertone that reminded him of a cough drop. Of course, he had seen her drop a Zippo into her desk one time and it was during a particularly bad case for them. So that means she only smoked at times of great stress, which lead him to conclude that at some point while they were at her house she had snuck a cigarette where she wouldn't be seen. He wanted her, badly, but he understood her hesitation. He knew the exact moment when her brain had kicked back in. He stayed where he was hoping she would follow him and press the issue between them, until he heard the water in his shower start running. He heard the familiar creak of his bathroom sink, which meant she was leaning against it. He heard that creak so often that he knew exactly what she was doing. She was studying herself in the mirror wondering if she had trade sanity for something worse, just as he did every morning when he woke up. He moved to retrieve her second bag that she had thrown her clean clothes into, intent on setting the bag on the bed, thinking he would hide until it was time to leave. She leaned against the bathroom sink, one hand to her still racing heart, the other against her tingling lips. She had thought for sure that Spence would have at least said something about what had just happened but he didn't, which puzzled her. Screw it, she thought, if he wasn't going to say anything about it, neither was she. She had began running the water in the shower without even realizing it. Shaking her head, she adjusted the temperature of the spray, hoping it would clear her head of all the lust and confusion.  
She was about to step in when she realized that Spencer had taken her bags from her in the living room, she obviously couldn't keeping walking around his place in her underwear. She shut off the shower and heading into the bedroom, noticing that her sweaty clothes were gone and that her second bag was on the bed, waiting. Grabbing out a new set of clothes, she found her phone on the side of her bag, Spence must have slipped it there, noting she had about 2 more hours before they needed to leave. No point in going back to sleep and having to worry about having more dreams, she thought. She headed back to the shower. Stepping out after her shower, her nose smelling the wonderful smell of coffee. "Sorry if I ruined your sleep." she said to Spencer, as she slipped up and leaned against the door way to the kitchen. Shrugging, he turned and offered her a cup, her noting that it was made just the way she liked it, "It's fine. I really don't sleep a lot as it is." he said, a small smile curving his lips. She returned the smile as she moved to the couch. He could keep his eyes off of her, watching as she took a sip of her coffee and how her tongue darted out to catch a small drip that began to run down the side of the cup. He felt his brain stutter to a halt. She noticed that Spencer was back to staring at her. Shaking her head and debating internally she knew that they needed to talk about what had transpired, the sooner the better she thought. Steeling herself, she opened her mouth to begin when Spencer scooped up his phone and took off like a scalded cat. OK, she thought, if he wanted to play it that way, in an hour or less they had a bit or a drive ahead of them and nothing but time to talk.  
Spencer felt like bit of a coward as he shut himself in his own bathroom. He berated himself for not playing it cool like Morgan would have, but damn it he had almost no experience with situations like this. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he knew who he could talk to. Derek, perfect, he thought, he had plenty of experience and he had to be wake by now. Clutching his phone like a lifeline, he shot Morgan a text. You Awake? He began to running water in the sink just in case his short text made Morgan call instead of texting back. As he thought, his phone rang. "Everything OK, Kid?" Morgan asked in lieu of a greeting. "Uh..yeah, kinda. I just...Derek, I need some advice." Spencer finally managed to get out. Derek could hear water running in the background as Reid spoke. "Spencer, are you in your bathroom? What's going on?" Morgan asked, starting to become slightly worried. He was only answered by a sigh and then silence as Spencer cut off the water. "Hang on..." he mumbled. Derek could hear the scuff of the phone against the fabric of Spencer's shirt. Spencer crept out of the bathroom, keeping to the shadows of his room to peer around the door frame. He could see Moore putting in her earbuds and bringing up her music on her phone. "Spencer? Hey, you going to tell me what's going on?" Morgan said, hoping that Reid could hear him and that he wouldn't have to pry the information out of the young man. He heard Reid clear his throat and in a small voice he said, "She kissed me...well, I kissed her...Morgan, what do I do?" he ended on a small groan. He knew he would never hear the end of the ribbing from the older agent, it seemed that Morgan lived to tease him. Morgan pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it, he had never really heard Reid beg for advice from him before, but he listened as everything that had happened tumbled out of Reid's mouth. "Whoa, whoa, slow down Reid. There was a kiss?" Morgan asked loudly as he tried to process everything that Reid was saying. "Shhhh, don't shout about it, Morgan." Spencer hissed through the phone. "Calm down, Reid. I'm by myself. But back to what you said, the kiss....well. Huh, well, my advice to you is stop hiding in your bathroom and just go tell her how you feel." Derek said, trying to muffle the laughter that threatened to pour out. "It's not funny Morgan..." Spencer groaned, hating that he had actually called Morgan for advice, "That's just the thing, Derek, she pulled away saying that we couldn't, we shouldn't because we work together. And I'm not hiding in my bathroom, I'm in my bedroom." he finished. "What...where's Moore?" Derek asked, worried that Spencer could be overheard by her.  
"She in my living room. Don't worry, she has her ear buds in." Spencer responded, correctly inferring Morgan's worry. Spencer watched her dancing slightly as she perused his bookshelves. Clicking the button to switch the phone over to a video call, he flipped the camera so Morgan could see what he saw. Derek's smile grew as they watched her dance to whatever played in her ears. Spence backed into the shadows of his room, while switching the call back to normal and returning the phone to his ear, just before she turned around with a book in her hands. "Spencer, I'm telling you, just be honest with her about how you feel cause I'm sure she feels the same but she is just good at hiding it." Morgan told him, not thinking about what he had said. Spencer raised an eyebrow at Morgan's tone and words, "What do you know Morgan?" he asked. "Kid, I'm a profiler..." Morgan retorted, realizing his mistake, "I see things that you seem to ignore. Just pick the right moment, if you're not comfortable doing it right now." Spencer thanked him with a murmur before hanging up, hoping he would know when it would be the right time. Shaking his head, he decided to get ready for the day and everything that may lie ahead.  
Moore's phone pinged loudly in her ears, cutting out her music temporarily. She flicked down the drop down menu on her phone to see the message from Hotch asking her to call. She cut her music, switching her ear buds for her Bluetooth before she called their team leader. "Did you rest?" he asked, as he picked up. "Yes. What's up, Hotch?" she said, not bothering with a greeting either, as she smiled and rolled her eyes. "I want you to run point on this case since you know the terrain and you were, at one time, on of the locals." he told her, making her almost drop her cup she was currently refilling. "Hotch...you sure about this?" she asked, only a tiny bit a nerves showing in her tone. "Absolutely. Any ideas on how we should proceed? This UnSub is going to have to be caught in the act." he asked. She smiled, nerves disappearing, "I'm glad you asked..." She then proceeded to run her thoughts and ideas by him. He seemed impressed, "You sure about the home you grew up in being for sale?" he asked. "Yes, I looked it up about 45 minutes ago. Besides, I would of bought the property anyways. I was looking for a new investment property as it was." she told him. Hotch chuckled, "Going to get Morgan to do any remodeling for you?" The smile was evident in her voice when she responded, "Something like that, if he's not too busy that is." Hotch bid farewell with one last question, "The team was wondering, what should they call you, what do you want me to tell them?" She could imagine that particular question putting a devilish sparkle in Hotch's eyes as he asked it. "Dawne. Might as well get use to hearing again if we run my plan." she told him. He agreed it was a good idea. She told him that she and Spence would be getting on the road in a bit to meet up with the team, ending the call with a see you in a few. She smiled ear to ear as she locked her phone, never once noticing Spencer watching her from his doorway. He slipped back before making enough noise to ensure he would be heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, I will start working on Chapter 4 tonight, since Chapter 3 wouldn't let me go last night. As always any comments or suggestions are welcomed and kudos are always appreciated. Thanks, and hope you enjoy!!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this. Any comments or suggestion are greatly appreciated. The second chapter is a bit slow coming, so bear with me. Thanks!!


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